Jessie as the orgnization

(1) dialogue
[19:03] Ding Atolia: i think my story is too personal
[19:04] Ding Atolia: sonny5258.blogspot.com
[19:04] Susie223 Chun: What is Jujube ?
[19:04] Ruby Lysios: i'm also curious about it
[19:05] Ding Atolia: zao
[19:05] Ruby Lysios: what's jujube
[19:05] Ruby Lysios: ?
[19:05] Susie223 Chun: got it
[19:05] Ding Atolia: 青枣
[19:05] Ruby Lysios: oh, i see
[19:05] Ding Atolia: hah
[19:05] Ding Atolia: it's delicious
[19:07] Susie223 Chun: well, it's a good story,but it's not a news.:)
[19:07] Ruby Lysios: yes...
[19:07] Ding Atolia: yes
[19:08] Ding Atolia: i am aware of that, it's too personal
[19:08] Ruby Lysios: i don't know; will news should be formal?
[19:08] Ding Atolia: but i thought we could just write that
[19:08] Ruby Lysios: like your diary
[19:08] Susie223 Chun: actually,no...
[19:08] Ding Atolia: like the dogs in ncu campus
[19:08] Ruby Lysios: hum...
[19:09] Susie223 Chun: after all, you can't post this kind of stories on newspapers
[19:09] Susie223 Chun: magazines will be ok
[19:09] Ding Atolia: so we have to use a story to reveal some social aspects?
[19:10] Ruby Lysios: but you should report something, and people could not get the point what you try to say to us
[19:10] Susie223 Chun: yes
[19:10] Ding Atolia: good point, ok ,i see
[19:10] Susie223 Chun: not only social event
[19:10] Ruby Lysios: it's better to say the topic at the beginning
[19:10] Susie223 Chun: but it shouldn't be so persona;
[19:10] Susie223 Chun: l
[19:11] Lucky Board: This prize wasn't claimed... so let's try a new magic letter.
[19:11] Lucky Board: Next Prize: breeding coop
[19:11] Lucky Board: Looking for a winner whose name begins with.... J.
[19:11] Susie223 Chun: it's a dairy story,not a news story
[19:11] Ruby Lysios: i know, at the beginnig, you could say taiwanese are nice, haha
[19:11] Jessie Passerine: well though it's not a piece of news ,but it's a good story
[19:11] Susie223 Chun: yes
[19:11] Ruby Lysios: and try to say something support your idea
[19:11] Ding Atolia: haha, yes
[19:11] Ding Atolia: it could be like this
[19:12] Ding Atolia: the first time i came here, i find the people here so nice
[19:12] Ding Atolia: and then i use my story to prove it
[19:12] Ding Atolia: then i could talk about some culture difference
[19:12] Susie223 Chun: yeah
[19:12] Ding Atolia: how differently nice between tw and mainland peole
[19:13] Susie223 Chun: differences will be more attractive
[19:13] Jessie Passerine: hey it's ten now shouldn't we be going to CNN iReport Island now?
[19:13] Susie223 Chun: no
[19:13] Ruby Lysios: no
[19:13] Susie223 Chun: did you see the plan?
[19:13] Susie223 Chun: we have two hous here
[19:13] Susie223 Chun: OK~
[19:13] Ding Atolia: maybe what's the unique side of the two
[19:13] Susie223 Chun: yes
[19:14] Susie223 Chun: think about it
[19:14] Ding Atolia: to make it in a broader sense
[19:14] Susie223 Chun: when you come back home
[19:14] Susie223 Chun: your friend will be more interested in the diferejces\
[19:14] Jessie Passerine: ok~ what i saw is for last time
[19:14] Susie223 Chun: differences
[19:15] Ding Atolia: yes, i see
[19:15] Ruby Lysios: i just find one punctuation error
[19:15] Susie223 Chun: ?
[19:15] Ruby Lysios: I felt an overwhelming stream of both coolness and warmth running over my body, the former for bringing a breeze in that burning weather, and the latter for bringing a comfort for my homesick heart.
[19:16] Ding Atolia: the first,
[19:16] Ding Atolia: should be:
[19:16] Ruby Lysios: I felt an overwhelming stream of both coolness and warmth running over my body :
[19:16] Ding Atolia: right?
[19:16] Ruby Lysios: ;
[19:16] Ruby Lysios: yes
[19:16] Ding Atolia: haha, got it ,thanks
[19:16] Ruby Lysios: i like some of your terms
[19:16] Susie223 Chun: Ruby...
[19:16] Ruby Lysios: like "embrace your soul"
[19:16] Ding Atolia: haha, thanx
[19:17] Susie223 Chun: there's another mistake in your story
[19:17] Susie223 Chun: I mean ,in Ruby's,you remind me just now
[19:17] Ruby Lysios: oh, thanks
[19:17] Ruby Lysios: what
[19:17] Susie223 Chun: Hopefully we could try our best to let them feel Taiwan people’s warm and friendliness.
[19:18] Ding Atolia: warth
[19:18] Ding Atolia: warmth
[19:18] Susie223 Chun: feel TW people's warmth?I think
[19:18] Ruby Lysios: oh!
[19:18] Susie223 Chun: warm is adj
[19:18] Ruby Lysios: yes
[19:18] Susie223 Chun: ok ,let's continue
[19:19] Susie223 Chun: editor?
[19:19] Susie223 Chun: any other mistakes?
[19:19] Ruby Lysios: no
[19:19] Susie223 Chun: great
[19:20] Ding Atolia: ok, so we are done with mine?
[19:20] Susie223 Chun: well ,we still have ten minute for Ding
[19:20] Ruby Lysios: The dogs running or lying on campus; the little squirrel enjoying eating under a little pine tree; the helpful and friendly teachers and students… all these images distract me from the thought that I’m so far away from home.
[19:20] Ruby Lysios: maybe you could just use , , ,
[19:20] Ruby Lysios: because it's not a sentence
[19:21] Ding Atolia: you mean the; can be changed to ,
[19:21] Ding Atolia: right?
[19:21] Lucky Board: This prize wasn't claimed... so let's try a new magic letter.
[19:21] Lucky Board: Next Prize: breeding coop
[19:21] Lucky Board: Looking for a winner whose name begins with.... X.
[19:21] Ding Atolia: Ruby?
[19:21] Ruby Lysios: yes
[19:21] Ding Atolia: ok
[19:22] Ding Atolia: by the way, since we have a little time
[19:22] Ding Atolia: should we edit this story and re-post it?
[19:22] Susie223 Chun: need a break?
[19:22] Ding Atolia: or anything else we should do?
[19:22] Susie223 Chun: that'll be fine
[19:22] Ruby Lysios: a revision
[19:23] Ding Atolia: ok
[19:23] Ruby Lysios: the teacher had posted in the class blog
[19:23] Ruby Lysios: wanna a break
[19:23] Ruby Lysios: haha
[19:23] Susie223 Chun: ok

(2)a summary of the reader’s and the editor’s suggested revisions
The reader, Susie, thinks that it's a good story instead of a piece of news, she would like to see more about the cultural difference Ding is experiencing and find more about Taiwan people’s friendliness. The editor, Ruby, thinks it’s more like a personal diary, and gave the suggestion that it's better to say the topic at the beginning and try to say something support the idea. She also found some spelling error and grammar mistakes in the article.

(3)a brief comment on the entire article
The article is somehow well organized, in a personal writing form. But it’s not a standard news style, in which the writer should give the main point at the beginning. The story is neither too long nor too short, with logic writing and true feelings. Though there are some mistakes in grammar and spelling, it’s a good personal writing overall.